Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
