Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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