i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
