You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
