Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
