so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
