So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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