She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
