There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize