Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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