the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?