I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
