i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915