worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
