Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
