But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
