Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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