you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
