Pants 0. Shit 1.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
