I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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