Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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