You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
