I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize