Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
