end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
