Can i not drive my cunt home
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
