do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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