I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
