Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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