I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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