dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize