Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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