my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
