1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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