You smell like stripper and shame
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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