i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
