Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My liver just broke up with me...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
