two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize