Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
