I should be sponsored by Trojan
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So much Jack, so little girl.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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