I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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