You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
