somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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