Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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