I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
