Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
