He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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