I just saw a hot homeless man
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
