No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
