Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
