none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.