its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
