Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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