I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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