I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
