and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the knife in your bed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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