Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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