Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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