why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.