You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.