So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.