No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.