she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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