idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
