Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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