And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
