i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
