i already hear my dad disowning me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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