my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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