I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
