I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
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U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
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If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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