I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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